, attached to 1994-12-29

Review by bostonron

bostonron It's all about context for me. This Bowie starts off dark and evil, gaining strength like a hurricane. You can feel the tension. Then like any good horror film, panic sets in. Clumsily fumbling from room to room in the dark, senses dulled, while other senses are heightened you lose track of where you are. You reach out to feel for a door, wall, anything. But your arms flail about in the darkness. The panic you felt in the back of your head has now contorted itself around the sides of your head, resting in the very uncomfortable spot right in between your eyebrows. The pain is seering. Your eyes water. You grab your head hoping the pressure will alleviate some of the pain so you can think. You hear a noise behind you, then in front of you. Did something just touch your neck? What is that resting on my foot?

You hear a crack, BOOM!. The entire room feels as if it was hit with a sledgehammer. Vertigo sets in, you fall back luckily against the wall you were frantically searching for moments ago. The room shakes again, then again, you huddle on the floor, head in between your knees. You try to scream but nothing comes out. You try again, and again, nothing. Then, it is as if someone heard your pleas for this nightmare to end. The noises abruptly end. The seering pain in your head has vanished without a trace. Light filters in through windows you had no idea were there. thick, golden rays of light illuminate the walls, moving across the floor filling the room with the very light you begged for. Dark mahogany floors reflect the life giving light all over the room. As the last tears you had to shed rest on your eye lashes like a child afraid to jump off the dock you feel this overwhelming feeling in your chest. This warmth starting dead center expands outward, downward and up through your neck. You barely even realized that you are standing again. It feels as if you blinked and you are stepping out of a doorway, you never knew existed, into a world filled with colors so bright the world in front of you looks like something that has been assembled.

This warmth has consumed your entire body now, and you feel this draw towards the sun. This obsession with letting this warmth inside of you out. Release. This draw has your legs moving faster, as you didn't even realize you were walking, now running. You are sprinting through a green field. The sun on the horizon is calling you. Smiling at you as you make your way towards her. You are moving so fast you feel as if you're rotating the earth with hamster power. The wind you're running into has no friction. In fact, you can feel as if it is rallying behind you, propelling you towards your goal. The sun. The grass you are running through feels like a bouncy play gym. You feel as if you run any faster you may bounce off the earth. The wind pushes you, harder and harder until you notice your legs are moving but you have left the earth. There is no panic, only freedom. Your legs don't stop moving as you climb higher and higher, with no fear you lunge upwards and feel the force of the winds behind you guide you towards the sun just a little more. The sun gets brighter and brighter until all you can see is light. The yellow glare quickly turns to a golden hue, then a blinding white light. You start to lose sensation in your toes. Then your legs. Your hands are next to go and by the time you realize you are losing your arms too, you can't feel anything below the waist. You have lost any real sense of position, and any real sense of where you are. Speckled glitters poke through this binding white light helping you gain some perspective and body awareness. These glittery specks flash more intensly as if you are traveling through time and space. Complete calm washes over you as this glitter has begun moving so fast beams are fighting through the light, surrounding what you believe to still be your body when in an instant it all ends. Everything goes black. You have this intense feeling of falling. Panic has set in again. You are falling. The earths colors begin to fade into your vision. Before you can grasp what is exactly happening there is a full, colorful but muted, earth far below you coming faster and faster into your view. There is a moment where you can visualize your very own death. But wait, can one die twice? As this thought finishes moving through your head all you can see is that lush green field come crashing into you. Silence. Darkness. Nothing. There is no light. No sound. No pain. No peace. There is only nothing.


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