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Who do I know if I'm a Phishead?*
  1. You spend more on blank discs than on rent.
  2. You plan to name your first born child Henrietta, whether male or female.
  3. You now use the Maxell "Man In the Chair" posters as wallpaper.
  4. You spend more money at the post office than at the gas station.
  5. You have saved the ticket stub (in your hand) from every Phish show you have ever attended.
  6. YEM, BBFCFM, DWD, RLA, HYHU, & FEFY all mean something to you.
  7. You now use Max Points as make-shift bandaids.
  8. When looking for a new house, the deciding factor is that it must have a dry, cool, poorly lit room with the capacity to hold no less that 500 audio tapes.
  9. At any given moment you can compute how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds it's been since Icculus has been played.
  10. Someone asks you what you do for fun, and you just smile real wide.
  11. The first entry on your MCI Friend's and Family list is {former Phish Hotline number; there is no longer a telephonic hotline}.
  12. You got understood that one {when there was number there}.
  13. Your car windows look like stained glass from being covered with colored stickers.
  14. You think $1 for a grilled cheese sandwich is pretty damn cheap.
  15. You are on a first name basis with EVERY postal worker at the local post office.
  16. You're boss notices members of you're family only become deathly ill when there happens to be a show within a 500 mile radius.
  17. When traveling, you always get your 4 different Maxell duffle bags confused with each other.
  18. Whenever you walk through a parking lot you instinctively hold your right index finger in the air. :(
  19. The compass in your car is calibrated so that it always points to Red Rocks.
  20. You aren't sure which you have inhaled more of, O2 or N2O.
  21. You have more tie-dyes than neck-ties.
  22. You find it amazing that some people fill balloons with AIR.
  23. You spend New Year's Eve with your cassette deck instead of your wife.
  24. You're license plate spells "Weekapaug".
  25. On the same licence plate, you've written "Groove" under "Weekapaug" in permanent marker.
  26. Your stock portfolio includes 100 shares of the Maxell Corperation.
  27. You consider a "Miracle" to be a ticket to tonights show. :(
  28. You consider veggie burritos gourmet.
  29. You try to claim gas to and from Phish shows as an income tax deduction.
  30. You know the Zip code for Burlington, VT by heart.
  31. You have the postal rates memorized.
  32. Right now your arm is resting on a two foot stack of scratch paper with the names of everybody on every tree you're on, 113 miscellaneous trades, the location and file names of ALL of the most recent show digitized into .au files, every summer tour date that's ever been rumored, ticket master numbers to all fifty states (on no less than 80 sheets of paper of course), no less that 20 email and U.S. mail addresses that have ABSOLUTELY no meaning to you.
  33. You get "Valued Customer" flyers from Terrapin Tapes.
  34. You have the phone numbers to every company that sells bulk blank tapes memorized.
  35. You have memorized all of Fishman's nicknames, in alphabetical order, and have been known to recite them backwards, alphabetically, in your sleep.
  36. Denny's is the resturant of choice the morning after a show.
  37. You use the Doniac Schvice as wallpaper.
  38. You know more Phish trivia than you do US History.
  39. You could caculate the amount of time it takes to get from Washington, DC, to Red Rocks faster than you could find the area of a circle.
  40. Your wardrobe consists of 10% hemp.
  41. You're sick of the debate over the lyrics of You Enjoy Myself & honestly don't care what they're saying anymore.
  42. You can recite the statistics to ALL 3 head cassette decks in order of preference.
  43. You don't think that $1000 for tape deck is too unreasonable.
  44. You are on a first name basis with the guy(s) at Terrapin Tapes.
  45. Your taping setup is more valueable than your car.
  46. Your taping setup is insured, your life isn't.
  47. You obtain discount postal rates. (I Wish)
  48. You have actually sent a package using those bothersome $.01 stamps.

"You Know You're a Phish-Netter When....."
  1. You know the meaning of bbl, brb, lol, rmp, imho, & imo. (And MANY more)
  2. You spend more time on #PHiSH than with your girlfriend.
  3. You believe that typing will become an Olympic exibition sport in 2004.
  4. You wear your Phish-Net shirt (religiously) to all shows, even if they are consecutive shows and it has not been washed after six days of constant use.
  5. You always carry a "rec.music.phish/#PHiSH" sign to all shows.
  6. You have incorperated blinking Christmas lights into your sign.
  7. You have ever seen Rosemary's Phish sweater.
  8. You sometimes catch yourself dreaming about America On-Line's demise.
  9. You have spent the hours of time to convert your entire tape list into HTML, along with links to setlists, audio samples, and audience comments.
  10. You spend more time perfecting your tape list that your history final.
  11. You have spent large amounts of time making your login name as Phish related as humanly possible, without being obvious. aka jonnyb, treynice, greezy, ect.
  12. You would consider going 300 miles out of your way just to give a complete stranger a ride to a show.
  13. Whenever the music from your Phish-Net screensaver begins to play, you begin to dance.
  14. You have a mirror of www.phish.net on your own computer for personal browsing.
  15. You would actually consider printing out the Phish FAQ and sending it to every newbie you help out.
  16. You would do the same thing with the Helping Phriendly Book.
  17. You have copies of the two afore mentioned items printed, bound, and laying in front of you at this moment.
  18. You have signed the Book of Phriends.
  19. When asked if you have a Phish-Net shirt, you reply "Which year?"
  20. You have a bumpersticker reading "Let's Go Out To Dinner & Eat A Newbie"
  21. When asked what you think the plague of the 21st century will be, you reply "America On-Line"
  22. You believe that digitizing audio tapes into 1meg files, then uuencoding them in order to mail them to your trading partner is the wave of the future.
  23. You take the time to write a "You Know You're a Phish/Net Head When...." file. ;)
  24. You have vowed to NEVER post a "Me too" message to rec.music.phish, and blatently ignore those who do.
  25. You read the Helping Friendly Book more than The Bible.
  26. You can quote more setlists than verses from The Bible.

* Originally posted to rmp 9/11/95 by Jake Hall (who said he "took about 10% of it" from "You Know You're a Dead-Head When...." and wrote the rest himself). Updated 9/23/02 by EG to reflect changes in Phish fandom (such as collect live music on CDs rather than tape.

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year."
-- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, scientist and philosopher (1742-1799)

This page last updated January 24, 2007. All contents © 1992-2007 Ellis Godard. All rights reserved.
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